well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Randomize
