nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
