I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
