My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
