If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
