so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
