There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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