Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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