I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
