So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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