careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
