You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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