So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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