When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
