"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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