What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize