Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
