Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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