Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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