He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
