Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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