She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I supernannyed him into submission
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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