she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
