5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
