Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
