when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
