Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
