Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
