Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
