and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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