i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
