I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
