My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
