I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
