he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize