i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
