this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
