It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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