Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
