Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize