I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
