I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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