No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize