Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
