JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
