Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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