I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
