so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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