So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
