Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
