i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
