you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
