Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
my liver is dry heaving
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
