we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
