hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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