Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
