I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
