You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
