I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
